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Hurt Willful Vanka thinks she is dying Galen a famous actor feels his life has become a superficial mirage And beautiful Khalid can only love people who hurt him When these three find themselves caught up in each others' lives will their risky games of domination and submission destroy them Or will they find solace from a lifetime of hurt

  • Nook
  • 305 pages
  • Hurt
  • Varian Krylov
  • English
  • 14 September 2014

About the Author: Varian Krylov

Growing up near Los Angeles I spent much of my time frolicking in the Pacific Ocean and penning angst twisted poetry Now I'm living in sunny Spain writing pathos riddled fiction Ironically two of my favorite things are traveling and swimming in the ocean despite increasingly intense phobias of sharks and flyingI've always loved the music and substance of words always loved writing in well

10 thoughts on “Hurt

  1. Baba Baba says:

    5 painful and emotional starsReview completed March 11 2013 Can someone love than one person? Painful Intense Somber Sad Raw Rough Evocative Erotic Carnal Hopeful Beautiful This book is so much than prime erotica So so much Let's not beat around the bush because the reader should know that this book deals with breast cancer I don't consider this information a real spoiler Every reader has to make up herhis mind if shehe is willing to deal with this aspect of the story I was never personally affected by breast cancer and reading this story wrecked me Hence I cannot imagine how breast cancer patients must feel while reading Hurt As far as I can judge it must be beyond painful beyond finding any appropriate words to describe their feelings You don't have to pretend to be okay all of the time you know It's all right to be afraid To be weak It's okay to freak out Even her wound The incision with its coarse hair like sutures It was raw An opening in the fragile mortal barrier to death A mark of vulnerability Of frail human flesh It belied all the artifice the grotesue masks she he everyone put forth for others to look at and touch I'm not sure if I can find the right words to convey my feelings for this book let alone form a coherent sentence at the moment In fact I feel drained sad and happy all at the same time If you decide to read Hurt then you profess yourself to a tough ride that provides many ups and downs downs as a matter of fact The author is cutting mercilessly yet powerfully through a vast landscape of pain pain insecurities denial fear passion and a deep love I trust Galen Vanka Thatdeeply Perhaps you cannot trust his judgment But you can trust hishis intent He would never deliberately harm you Except to please you Or rather to give you what you need He paused for a while then added I'm sure you've noticed He's very intuitive Are you getting what you need? Hurt seized my mind my emotions and my heart It choked me up It made me cry From the very beginning the beauty of the rain set the pace and the ethereal atmosphere of the multilayered plot It was masterfully done Granted there is plenty and I mean plenty of highly erotic and arousing sex and I was honestly astonished to see that the sex never overwhelmed the story itself If anything it was a means to an end to reveal the main protagonists' subtle web of shortcomings as well as to fully develop the plot The head gamestrying to escape the reality pain and fear Also exploring and pushing boundaries It excites me the way your fear arouses you I feel almost bad for admitting it but I never thought that I would actually enjoy a love triangle But it somehow feltright and something that feels right can’t be wrong Having said this it wouldn't work for me in real life but who am I to judge? Love is love Love comes in different colors shapes and forms at different times and places And the love between Galen Khalid and Vanka is all encompassing deep and profound Hurt is a story of three complex flawed and hurt people who embark upon a journey to cope with their issues to find their true self and to recognize and accept love eventually I craved to see the unraveling of their state of mind Also I think the author did an outstanding job at depicting this journey in a way that made me devour the book And even so she let me as the reader draw my own conclusions Besides she evoked the MCs mutual pain and need hauntingly beautiful and through their reciprocal suffering she let them heal each other Each saw what the other needed and they cared for each other's well being I'd been physically transplanted into an alien world It was amazing That's what I loved about acting for so long Getting to live different lives like a fantasy But after a while it feels kind of pathetic Empty I've started to wonder who I actually am I've spent so much time pretending developing all these personas that have nothing to do with my real life Creating facsimiles of lives of relationships I'm a little sick of pretending Here are some of my thoughts I'm sorry but I had to spoiler tag them view spoiler At 54 % it hit me with full force I felt that Vanka being so gangly boyish and androgynous had to be perfect for Galen And even so when Vanka's brother told Galen that Vanka is a boy's name It just fit Well I can't be sure if the author did it intentionally but to me it would seem that she transformed Vanka into someone who corresponds better to Galen's tastes on a physical level He was never extremely fixed on her breasts anyway Having said that I wouldn't want to do him wrong and even though Galen is bisexual I just think he is gay than straight I'm sorry if this sounds stupid but I can't say it any better Galen was talking about being tired of pretending and I always thought that he was pretending when it came to his feelings for Khalid Boy was I ever wrong though Truth be told it came as a real surprise and I didn't expect this specific revelation at all when he told Vanka that he loved Khalid for a long time already and that he was afraid of losing him I'm still surprised how easy and hard I fell for Khalid because I was not happy how he treated Galen In a way he seemed to force Galen to have sex with him but as the story progressed I got to know him better and everything made sense in a matter of speaking Also I was wondering if Vanka would have been willing to have 'kinky' sex if she hadn't been ill I really think her illness helped to soften her boundaries to relinuish control and to put herself into Galen's hands On the other hand Galen made her feel alive and he knew what she needed It was a means to an end to cope with her fear of an imminent death and in a way to escape or to control her anguishes hide spoiler

  2. Shelley Shelley says:

    This is such a hard book to rate I thought I had read this story line before but not like this Never like this Not with this kind of gray somber melancholy atmosphere that seeps through the pages to envelope the reader The emotional game play is disturbing frustrating angsty and totally evocative The authors writing is powerful and beautiful probably the only reason I stayed with this bookThree characters who are all hurt and damaged facing fears hiding behind walls giving hope and snatching it back The games they play is a push and pull contradiction of hurt need hope and sometimes beauty I didn't give two shits for Vanka or Galen there was no connection with them Khalid is the shining star here I ache for KahlidI was uite shocked that the blurb does not state the fact that this book deals with cancer This is a very intimate heartbreaking look at dealing with Breast cancer; which if I had known I would have avoided For me it hits too close to home Too much to deal with when all you want to do is escape in fictionI would usually hide this fact behind a spoiler but a lot of people have been affected by this disease and should know that there is nothing hidden here it's all flayed open compounded with the authors powerful and compelling writing This is superb writing an emotional journey with much drama maybe too much drama for me There is a LOT of sex some of it is beautiful sensuality some is painful and hurtful but always highly eroticThis would have been 5 stars if this book had been my thing but it's not I can't say I enjoyed it I appreciate the authors immense talent but this was not for me It hurtsUnrated

  3. Vishous Vishous says:

    I just can't decideThis is really hard for me to review I really have mixed emotions when it comes to it This book is hard and it literally hurts all the time you read it because there's nothing but hurt in it In the beginning I liked it I liked Galen a lot Then I hated him and my heart ached for Khalid And even though you feel Vanka's hurt all the time I just couldn't connect so much to her as a character Her pain hit close to home and it was really hard to read it but I was prepared for it And even though I sympathized with her I just couldn't love her And even though she brought Galen and Khalid together than ever I just felt all the time like she is ripping them apart even though that wasn't the case at all And in one moment I couldn't care less for Vanka and Galen because I loved Khalid than anything But then I couldn't love Khalid and Vanka because I didn't want Galen to hurt As a trio they never hurt but as mixed couples I just couldn't pick sides And they aren't mixed as couples they are one unity but I felt all the time like they are never as one all together I needed time to bring my thoughts together but I have a feeling they are all over the place than before And the writing style is beautiful I had a feeling like they are whispering all the time like every conversation is soft for your ears And I loved how they say each others names ALL THE TIME I would usually hate that but here it was like some whispering comfort The one thing I didn't like was that it had too much sex Like all the time sex A lot of sex Constantly having sex It was just too much of it Just too much And yes it was beautifully written but I was simply overloaded with it And I still don't know how to rate it and I won't ever know because I love it and don't love it I loved Galen and Khalid the most them as a couple them as one even though they have a pretty effed up relationship But I loved them and found them perfect together And sometimes I felt like Vanka is sticking her nose in their business and telling them how they should act like she is with them for years and not weeksI don't knowI just don't knowJust because I won't rate it it doesn't mean I didn't like it at allI just can't decide I feel like if I give it 4 or 5 stars it is like loving Vanka and her story when that wasn't so much of a case I felt love for Galen and Khalid than for Vanka More of everything This is such a mess of a review

  4. Ilhem Ilhem says:

    GR is asking me what I think will I ever find the words?What did I receive from this book?Three beings roughly manhandled by life damaged in their sense of self and self value in their identityThree hurting scared souls among milliards falling apart Three complex flawed and caring persons trying to master pain and fear playing mind games sex games imprisoning themselves and the other behind protective walls and struggling to be to love and be lovedKrylov’s powerfully evocative writing kept me captivated in this journey among human condition she never gave me the easy route to be a step ahead of the characters and it was an amazing often unsettling and hurtful always profound and finally beautiful journey I can only touch upon the intensity of this book the best is to discover it by yourself I believe And embark in your own journey Note I add a much needed warning that the story deals with breast cancer and I want to stress how difficult and possibly hurtful for the reader this book can beI invite you to read Deirdre's review and Shelley's review

  5. Ash Wednesday Ash Wednesday says:

    35 STARS Do you think a person can love be in love with than one person? If your answer to that uestion is anything less than the affirmative then this book is definitely not going to make sense Personally I'd answer that uestion with a yes but with many ualifiers which I guess explains a lot about how I feel towards this book Menage stories thus far is still very foreign to me particularly those that strive to work the characters involved into an actual relationship I have a great deal of difficulty reconciling the intense psychological and physical concepts I'm bound to be confronted with I've only read one of Varian Krylov's works and she writes pretty intensely and graphically that stamping her name in a menage plot has overkill written all over itThis actually reads like a 5 star book but Hurt just felt a little too intense We always complain about the lack of character depth in some of the erotica books out there but this one had me lost and confounded in each of the characters' dimensions So much that I sometimes couldn't reconcile Galen's character when he's with Vanka and when he's with Khalid and vice versaand er vice againThis is a book about needs and people finding ways to satisfy it and be satisfied of it All that in the messy context of love It felt like reading an extended dream seuence where certain lengths made sense then it shifts gears and have that hazy and fuzzy logic logical actions taken on urges that a person with a pedestrian lifestyle will probably never haveIt did get a little too heavy on the sex I'm the kind of reader who enjoys the raunchy in my erotic reads but it did get too mechanicaltechnical in stretches especially between Vanka and Khalid I think this is my first read involving view spoilera modified strap on action hide spoiler

  6. ~ Lei ~ Reading Is An Adventure ~ ~ Lei ~ Reading Is An Adventure ~ says:

    ★★★★★ETA 52014 With talk of a June release of Dangerously Happy thought it was time for a reread of this favorite book to see if my feelings for it are still warranted I've read many books since my original reading in July 2011 and several rereads since and I'm happy to say this still stands head and shoulders above many of the books I've read since then Original Review Edited a bitVanka met Galen Ross in an unusual way 5 hours after she had broken up with boyfriend of two years Vanka and Galen both had big secrets Vanka was 27 years old and had just had a lumpectomy her mother dead at 29 Vanka was 6 and her aunt dead at 31 of breast cancer and she's strongly considering a preemptive double mastectomy and Galen had a longtime male lover Khalid who had his own dark secret to deal with whom he had met in France when he was shooting a movie The relationship between the three stumbled and grew Trust was a strong issue for all threeHowever what I think is really important about this book is how the two men resolved their differences and Galen can accept his feelings for Khalid and Vanka was able to heal from her double mastectomy and how each man in his own way accepted her warts and all and made her believe again and and made this a strong permanent menage each contributing their own strengths to the others' weaknessesThis is one of the best mmf menage books I've read and it's definitely a reread for meA ReRead Don't know when thoughETA this is one of those that will stay with me I just reread this author doesn't sugarcoat things I understand the feelings and motivations of the characters Since I have not had cancer I don't know if the story is realistic but it rings true to me

  7. Violetta Vane Violetta Vane says:

    This book blew my mind it was that damn good I'll definitely have to read it a second time; on the first go round I read it so uickly my fingers were getting wobbly Everyone should read this book Wait that's probably not right In fact there are two main issues that could put off potential readers the breast cancer and a strain of dubious consent I'll talk about the breast cancer now and the dubious consent under the cutThis is not just a book about a three way relationship although it is I think the best MMF book I have ever read It's also about the relationship of a woman to her own body pre and post mastectomy and about her relationship with death I have a light history of breast cancer in my family although no one has died of it and I still found the book very hard to read at certain points Vanka has to construct a new sexuality for herself that is not defined by her operation but still incorporates it The descriptions of this process are raw in physical terms and even rawer in emotional terms I'll also admit right here in this review I almost always hate hurtcomfort narratives in romance or erotica I understand their appeal on a logical basis in terms of exciting extremes of emotion and power play But I just don't find them sexy The only thing less sexy to me than caregiving is the idea of someone taking care of me So the why the hell did I love this book called Hurt? Maybe because the sex didn't really rise from comforting but developed in an antagonistic relationship with it Vanka handles her diagnosis with a complicated mixture of laudable stoicism and stupid denialism which ends up harming some innocent people in her life It's a flawed but totally understandable reaction And her lovers are also flawed and understandable as we gradually come to understand the issues that are messing them up Let me count some of the ways that this stands up above the glut of unreadable menage There's a vibrant atmosphere to this book The characters have distinctive voices No they don't exactly talk like real people but they talk with a compelling fluidity so that the long passages of dialogue that occasionally pop up are breathlessly gorgeous Especially Khalid I just want him to keep talking and talking The descriptive language is so sensuous there's one part where Vanka is just staring at a grapefruit that stunned me with its prose style that it creates a kind of suspended reality or lucid dream effect upon reading There's real suspense I truly did not know what was going to happen next at many points and parts of the revealed backstories shocked the hell out of me This is a multiculturalinterracial relationship where people's cultural backgrounds are an integral part of their identity So was their sexuality and gender identity One of the men has serious issues with internalized homophobia for example And the menage relationship was incredibly complicated than the sum of its parts parts which were themselves complicated Finally if you get turned on by intellectual history this book will thrill your pretentious soul like it did mine I've never read a charming combination of ass fcking and French existentialist name droppingI will now go on to talk about the dubious consent under the cut But if you're not put off already I suggest you just buy the damn book and let it be a surprise because you will almost certainly love it This was 100k words and I would have enjoyed it at twice the length view spoilerOK the sex This book starts off with the roughest sex and from there it really goes all over the map including strap on and fem dom The first chapters have some raw male domfemale submissive stuff that does not strike me at all as SSC BDSM But it's done in a way that seems very real and appropriate to the characters Where they are in their life they're not good at communicating limits and they want to be pushed over their limits Several times in the book in both het and gay sex you have passages where one character says no and another keeps going because they could tell the other person really didn't mean it and there weren't safe words established But I don't get a sense that the narrative itself approves of this or get a vibe of if someone liked it it wasn't rape In fact there are multiple times when a character freaks out because they realize that what they did could indeed be rape Personally I love reading about rough sex and fighting sex and being pushed over limits but there's a line I hate to cross and this book sort of hovered on the edge of that There's even a flashback to gunplay between the two men and damn it was hot But some of the things that happen in this book could cross over reader limits although there's no heavy SM at all Still I found the stuff affecting than many books I've read that do have heavy SM There is not a single classic sandwich in this book that I remember I didn't miss it though because the sex was so imaginative and fitting to the characters' emotional states The ass fcking during chemotherapy was surprisingly hot Does that sound wrong? It was wrong But still hot hide spoiler

  8. Joy Joy says:

    He held her huddled against his body as her grief tore her apart It was a betrayal Theatened Hurt To have her powerher control or the illusion of it ripped awayThis story is so very powerful so beautifully written I hope others can read this as a story of three damaged people coming together and finding peace and love I know first hand the grief and agony felt when you hear the words breast cancer to have your control over your body taken away the author has written an accurate account of the journey please read it

  9. Frau Sorge (Yuki) Frau Sorge (Yuki) says:

    I loved this book as much as my black heart could love Seriously At the beginning I was like what the fuck I've read this storyline a thousand times before but I was oh so sweetly deluded I loved Khalid here I didn't give a single fuck about Vanka and Galen but Vanka's father kinda stole my heart in a different way I just loved this sad heartbroken Algerian Sue meHighly recommended

  10. Rebecca Rebecca says:

    Reading In The Dark BlogLike Reading In The Dark Facebook PageA fantastic emotional journey this book was incredibly difficult to readVanka a woman diagnosed with breast cancer meets Galen a jaded movie star Things are going well between them as a pair and the relationship soon evolves to include Galen’s part time lover Khalid The book is an exploration of how events and emotions can affect the dynamic of a relationship and the growth the characters experience as a resultIt is a very intimate snapshot and as a reader you are aware that life is continuing on around the three but we are purely focused on this relationship The I write reviews the I don’t like talking about plot the enjoyment in books such as this lies in going on the journey as blind as our characters This is probably Krylov’s most accessible work even so it won’t reach a wide audience which is a shame as many people would fall in love with this book The sex is used not primarily for sexual gratification but as a tool for the characters to deal with other issues within their lives It’s a physical manifestation of hidden emotions like guilt or fearI don’t think you can simply read this book It is not light reading you kind of have to give yourself emotionally There is not much action at all if I'm honest this book is complete and utter raw emotion Unless you are willing to immerse yourself in the characters and go with them and their thought processes you can get lostWatching Vanka struggle with her femininity and self worth was heart breaking Watching Galen’s journey was stunning the Galen from the beginning of the book is almost unrecognizable at the end Poor Khalid I don’t even know what to say about him other than I loved him and felt for him I would like Khalid he is an enigma and I would like to find out everything about himThe whole book is relentlessly emotional By far the most tender raw thing I have ever read If you are in the mood for something beautiful difficult tragic and sweet this is that book

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