The No Cry Sleep Solution Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby

The No Cry Sleep Solution Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night OK so here's the deal with The No Cry Sleep SolutionI got this book because I really did not want to let my baby cry it out I was pretty much attachment parenting from the time my baby was born until oh about 3 days after reading this bookI did get a few good tidbits from the book which is why it was not a 1First having a really good bedtime routine is essential Second Pantley's gentle removal method for stopping your baby from nursing to sleep works great In fact not only does he not nurse to sleep but he also doesn't use a pacifier any GreatThird I learned that a lot of awakenings are not real awakenings and that you could actually be waking a sleeping yet crying baby by going in too soonEverything else Not so much A lot of the book is for people who already co sleep which we do not do any In the end we let him cry it out and it took 2 days for him to get used to going to sleep on his own He still loves us and he still trusts us But if you feel that you really don't want to let your baby cry ever this might be for you Honestly I tried very very hard to do the whole no cry thing with my first I now laugh at my naivety as a dumb first time parent and how much ridiculous crap I put myself through let alone what it did to my marriage with all the baby led weaning bed sharing baby wearing crunchy granola BS I’m sure it’s works for some kids But never mine And I say kidsbabies because some parents are just blessed with those “easy babies” Not me Mine are “spirited” although my second was “easier” than my very spirited first and my behavioral issues last I joke that I have parental ptsd And we haven’t even reached the teen years yet eye twitchesAnyway we did all the extra special newbie parenting stuff with our first organic home made baby food spring water bed sharing no cry etc etc etc and what happened was she ended up in our bed until age 45 Toward the end we settled with sleeping on the floor next to my bed with one hand touching me through the night By this point I’d already had my second and trying and failing at doing the same no cry thing and my husband had taken to sleeping on a twin size mattress in our walk in closet for a couple years nowDoes that all seem “worth” it to avoid a few nights or the dreaded cry it our method It was hell people Laying on the floor outside my baby’s crib as instructed in the book while they whined and cried for me and getting up to pat and reassure them through the night But really that just tortured her me laying there but not picking her up her not understanding why if I’m there I won’t just pick her upWith my second I tried again Hoped Failed And then I reached a breaking point At age 5 6 months I did a cry it out method by the third night it was all over It was all over And it only took 3 hard nightsWe suffered and struggled for over 4 years with our first and all it took was 3 hard nights with my second to be freed of our night time hellI did the same with our third He co slept with me until about 6 months when that no longer worked for him And again it was only 3 hard nights And by the end of the week we had peace He could put himself to sleep on his own and woke only once in which I’d nurse and cuddle him and lay him back down This was my experience with my three children Everyone has their own experience my only hope is that your experience will bewas better than mine Her intent 45 starsHer writing 3 starsHer theories 3 starsHer experience 15 starsAstonishing advice 0 starsHer overall success 2 starsWhy do these so called experts see parenting styles as black or white You leave your baby to cry it out you are a detached emotionally unavailable parent who should not have had kids but rather run a corporation You respond to every cry you are attached and your deserve a golden star your child will be perfect and you can write a book about itAccording to Pantley anyway I do like that she wrote the book in attempt to help mothers see there are alternatives to crying it out But I find it really hypocritical that she whines about such sleep experts for making her feel like a bad mom for not teaching her kids to sleep and then the last thing you read in her book is her singling out a mother at a baseball games as unloving and negligent because she rocked her child's car seat when he started to stir instead of shoving a boob in his faceI agree with most her ideas and thought of just about all of them on my own with a little tool called common sense before I read her book I did sleep logs I waited a minute before responded to each cry I lingered on the nursery floor and sang lullabies as he drifted off to sleep Does this ualify me to write a book I say noThough I do think I'm a little ualified than she I did all those things naturally with my first child She wrote this book after her 4th couldn't sleep for than 45 minutes at a time I know each kid is different but I got the impression that her first 3 didn't sleep a whole lot betterAlso it bugs me that she tries to reassure mothers that someday regardless of your success with infant sleep training your child will learn to sleep through the night because we all do Incorrect I have spoken with several mothers and read in several other sleep books that some kids really do get up EVERY night even when their 17 I think Pantley has good advice for those kids Things like two free come to mom and dad's room coupons; once the two tickets are gone tough luck The nest next to mom and dad's bed is also a really good idea A glass of water flashlight and one toy on the nightstand good idea The rewards posters all of it great ideas for toddlers and even teens But to promise people their kids will eventually sleep through the night is not a solution for mothers worn out and sleep deprived I personally have not resorted to the cry it out method and I never intend to Still books like Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby and Babywise work much better for me and my little boy You just have to realize these authors are on the opposite end of the spectrum as far as your effects go They'll say if you respond to every cry with a feeding you're child will have ADHD and throw tantrums as they grow older I say there's a lot to parenting then how you respond to cries the first 6 months out of the womb Though I do think the Babywis author makes a good point when he says this kind of attachment parenting ignores what might actually be making your baby cry Personally I tried feed for comfort and it backfired My little guy was crying cause his tummy hurt and he had bad reflux More food makes that situation even worse even though the baby is eager to drink cause sucking at mom's breast is comforting If you've let yourself feel guilty over occasionally rocking your little one to sleep or holding him through a nap or if you have no experience with children this book may be for you But if you have a serious sleep problem on your hands and your kid isn't old enough to care about a sticker on a poster I suggest something else While this book claims to be the third option for sleep deprived parents 1 being cry it out and 2 being live with it I found that it was like live with it with a couple of helpful pointers to make you feel like you are doing something Or perhaps it works as the preparation phase before going on to the Ferber method First of all like most self help books it could have been about 10 pages I read over half of it before I got to her actual methodology The first half is dedicated to just plain sleeping facts about babies virtually nothing I had not heard before Then her 6 phase process is explained in about 3 pages which is followed by a couple chapters of encouragement There is also workbook like sheets to be filled in as you document your progressThe advice is pretty basic create a bedtime routine perhaps with a bath bedtime music reading stories a lovey key sleep words etc and then gradually put baby to sleep when baby is and awake so that baby will learn to fall asleep without you and gradually decreasing your degree of hands on comfort during nighttime wake ups This really didn't work with me because my daughter would often go to bed completely awake and it did not change how many times she woke up in the night or how well she responded to my comforting her in any way other than nursing her back to sleepI think this book is primarily directed towards moms of older children with behavioral sleep issues rather than actually teaching a young infant mine is 4 12 months how to sleep better There is no way a little baby is going to respond to verbal soothing in the middle of the night The author is a proponent of co sleeping and breastfeeds her 18 month old So I think her approach is accurately described as live with it until it's ridiculous and your child can completely understand that heshe needs to stay asleep all night ie at least 1 year old and then incorporate this methodNo good for me I think you can get the same good advice without having to wade through pages and pages of fluff A breakthrough approach for a good night's sleep with no tearsThere are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the night the hotly debated Ferber techniue of letting the baby cry it out or the grin and bear it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary If you don't believe in letting your baby cry it out but desperately want to sleep there is now a third option presented in Elizabeth Pantley's sanity saving book The No Cry Sleep SolutionPantley's successful solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the United States Canada and Europe Based on her research Pantley's guide provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime and nighttime problems The No Cry Sleep Solution offers clearly explained step by step ideas that steer your little ones toward a good night's sleep all with no cryingTips from The No Cry Sleep Solution Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the nightDetermine and work with baby's biological sleep rhythmsCreate a customized step by step plan to get baby to sleep through the nightUse the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breast feeding bottlefeeding or using a pacifier While I appreciate the idea of a method in between cry it out and deal with it I was infuriated by Pantley's inclusion of a speculative description of the agony a child might be feeling as they cry it out eg His little body is burning with desire and utter loneliness I'm paraphrasing but that is exactly the tone You can't use that manipulative mean tactic AND say that a that you're offering a moderate option or b that whatever works for a family is what's best I'm not wild about letting my baby cry it out and it doesn't always work but I'm not going to tolerate being judged for trying it or judge everyone for whom it has been a lifesaving techniue This reminds me of the breastfeeding Nazis and other women and men who say that mothers who go back to work are selfish and hurting the baby or that you have to feed solids to or not or wean or not or take away or give the pacifier or lovey etc at a certain point I'm not sure why everyone insists on being so harsh judging other parents Every child every family every situation is different If you watch the documentary Babies you'll see that children raised with incredibly different styles are all still doing about the same things at 1 year Yet everyone is sure that everything you do or don't do before during and post pregnancy will completely ruin your child's lifeI couldn't continue reading this book and anyway the reviews on Goodreads and clearly summarize her points and indicate that this is nothing new Picking up my baby calming her and trying to put her down is what I'm already doing instinctively I'm not going to start obsessing about every detail of the sleep pattern of someone who changes constantly I'm happy for everyone this book has helped but I cannot abide the guilt tripping flavor of this book This seems as good a place as any to point out how strangely vindictive most of these parenting books are They actively make you feel bad for trying anything other than what they propose This one offers advice on how to help your baby get to sleep if you don’t like the idea of letting him cry himself to sleep Which is fine there’s certainly a market for that Only you know what If you do let your baby cry himself to sleep and happen to read this book Mrs Pantley is going to make sure you regret that decision the rest of your life as she describes in ludicrous detail the intense pain and suffering the baby experiences when waking up alone in the dark thinking itself abandoned and left to the wolvesShe does something similar with breastfeeding which is weird because the book’s not even about breastfeeding She’s clearly a breastfeeding mother and although she offers tips and tricks to non breastfeeders every time she does she lets slip some snide comment along the lines of “If you have chosen not to give your baby the best gift a mother could ever give him here is what you should do not a uote from the book but that's the gist of itThis is why I can’t stand most of these books Picking one up is like asking a uestion on Twitter where literally anyone can answer Most of these authors’ ualifications is simply “I am a mother of n” which I am not crossing out as a valuable source of experience but it doesn’t guarantee they will know how to write a balanced tactful or even remotely helpful book Remember your potential readers are sleep deprived ashen figures who once resembled something human The last thing they need is being berated when looking for helpAnyway now I’ve gotten that out of the way this book actually does contain some interesting advice and good ideas But as many other books of its kind oh boy here we go again it barely justifies its existence as a book I mean the main takeaway from this book is Pantley’s Gentle Removal Plan yes that’s what she calls it and yes she’s named it after herself which despite being a good idea is so straightforward she covers it in two paragraphs When your baby wakes go ahead and pop his pacifier or his bottle in his mouth or nurse him But instead of leaving him there and going back to bed or letting him fall asleep at the breast let him suck for a few minutes until his sucking slows and he is relaxed and sleepy Then break the seal with your finger and gently remove the pacifier or nippleOften especially at first your baby will startle and root for the nipple Try to very gently hold his mouth closed with your finger under his chin or apply pressure to his chin just under his lip at the same time rocking or swaying with him Use your key words if you have developed them If he struggles against this and roots for you or his pacifier or bottle or fusses go ahead and replace the nipple or pacifier but repeat the removal process as often as necessary until he falls asleep That’s it That’s what the no cry sleep solution boils down to And the name is delightfully misleading because of course the baby cries while you’re applying said solution It’s like Johnson Johnson’s “no tears” shampoo of course there will be tears if your baby gets shampoo in his eyes This should be appropriately though less pizzazzily called a gentle alternative to the cry it out solution So really it’s a mystery why Pantley didn’t just share this piece of wisdom with the world for free in a pamphlet a blog post a YouTube video hell even an Instagram story About 20% of the book is liability disclaimers another 20% is a series of forms and logs for you to keep track of your baby’s sleeping habits ha ha 30% is a collection of common sense advice you could find in any parenting blog 10% is making non breastfeeders and cry it outers feel bad and another 20% are interspersed uotes from random parents no one is going to read because come on that’s not where you’re going to find the 2 star reviews now is it There were a couple of times reading this book that I laughed Not because it's a comedy it isn't but because the idea of doing a log for baby sleep patterns was erm well let's just say it wouldn't have flown in our house Our twins were born in 2009 and I can't say much about the time when they were very little because I don't remember any of it and what I do I have blocked out It was the most exhausting demanding thing I have ever done or would ever want to do The idea that I would be able to at the end of the day do a little chart about when Child A was sleeping or when Child B was sleeping sounds so totally alien to what my experience was that I can't comprehend it I didn't have time to eat breakfast much less fill out a little chartLike a lot of other baby books the time to read this is before you have a baby Like way before The problem with parenting small babies is that tired people make mistakes and you're always tired I am tired now just thinking about it You may be too tired to read this when the baby comes so read it beforeI think some of the sleeping ideas in here are fine and the information is good I am a bit annoyed that so much of the information is related to newborns but there are a couple of good ideas on toddler sleep issues and I am going to try at least one of themThe book appears so far as I can tell to favor co sleeping You can't co sleep with twins not easily so we didn't try it I am agnostic on the whole co sleeping thing I believe in doing whatever works for you and your baby We let one of ours if memory serves sleep on her tummy before the books said it was really OK to do that because you know sleepSo yes Read the book Check out the suggestions and if they're good for you and your uniue child adopt them But if they don't work ditch them and don't feel guilty about it There's no one right way to parent and there shouldn't be 80% of the advice in here is stuff we were doing already because we've read Caring for Your Baby and Young Child Revised Edition Birth to Age 5 and The Baby Book Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two We were following this advice before during and after our daughter's sleep problems developed Another 10% of the advice was just ridiculous grasping at straws Then 5% is just waiting for the problem to get better which the author explicitly says the book isn't in her introduction and throughout and the last 5% is hidden way in the back is just a modified cry it out If this is maybe the first parenting book you've read or if you were too tired to pay attention to the other books that 80% is all still good advice But if like me you were already following these practices you might want to try Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems New Revised and Expanded Edition It worked for us with a max of 13 minutes of crying on the first night By day four she was sleeping through the night with only one or two brief wakings Today is day seven and my seven month old daughter slept for 10 hours straight The excellent podcast pregtastic has an interview with the author of this book on their website It's episode 139 May 19 2009 or you can click here Sears writes the forward for this book in which he saysSleep or accurately the lack of sleep is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting during the first year or two of a baby's life The biggest hurdle is getting the baby to sleep through the night Parents who are sensitive to their baby's needs are reluctant to try any techniue that reuires that they let their baby cry so they often struggle through a fog of sleeplessness This 'nighttime martyr parenting' often leads to frustration and resentment resulting in unnecessary feelings of guilt and obscuring a family's joy over the new arrival At long last I've found a book that I can hand weary parents with the confidence that they can learn to help their baby sleep through the night without the baby crying it outThe author saysFourteen years ago when Angela her oldest of four was a baby I faced your dilemma She did not sleep through the night On the contrary she woke up every two hours for my attention As a new and inexperienced parent I searched for solutions in books articles and conversations with other parents I soon discovered two basic schools of thought when it comes to babies and sleep One side advocates letting a baby cry until she learns to fall asleep on her own The other side says that it is normal for babies to wake up at night and that it is the parent's job to nurture the baby all day and all night Eventually when your baby is ready she will sleep through the night In a nutshell the two methods can be summed up as 'cry it out' or 'live with it' I wanted neither p 2 3Typically when a freuent night waking baby wakes up and starts to cry he's not hungry or thirsty or wet or even lonely; he's just plain tired as desperate for sleep perhaps as his parents but unlike them clueless as how to fall asleep p 45 Your job is to either put them to sleep every time they wake up or teach them how they can put themselves back to sleep and set them up for success with routines sleep associations and paying attention to their cuesNot having kids yet I read The No Cry Sleep Solution for two things to get a realistic idea of what I can expect 'normal' infant sleep to be like and to hopefully hit the ground with a few tricks already in the bagExcerpts I found especially interestingBabies make many sleeping sounds from grunts to whimpers to outright cries even shouting mom when they're older and these noises don't always signal awakening These are what I call sleeping noises and your baby is nearly or even totally asleep during these episodes These are not the cries that mean Mommy I need you They are just sleeping sounds In your desire to respond to your baby's every cry you may actually teach her to wake up often p76Many people put their babies to bed much too late often hoping that if baby is 'really tired' he will sleep better This often backfires because baby becomes overtired and chronically sleep deprived A baby's biological clock is preset for an early bedtime When parents work with that time a baby falls asleep easily and stays asleep peacefully Most babies are primed to go to sleep for the night as early as 630 or 700pm plan for it by beginning your prebed routine an hour before For babies early to bed does not mean early to rise Most babies sleep better and longer with an earlier bedtime Many parents were truly surprised to find that an earlier bedtime really did help their baby fall asleep easier and faster and often encouraged better sleep and a later waking time p103 104 I know this is true for me even as an adult I get drowsy around 9 pm If I try to power through that drowsiness to sueeze even one hour out of the day then often when I climb into bed at 1000 I find myself laying awake until 2 am unable to drift offDuring the night we move through a sleep cycle riding it up and down like a wave We cycle through light sleep to deep sleep to dreaming all through the night In between these stages we briefly come to the surface without awakening fully We may fluff a pillow straighten blankets or roll over but generally we fade right back into sleep with nary a memory of the episode Babies move through the same sleep cycles as adults do but their cycles are shorter and numerous Babies also spend much time in light sleep dream sleep or REM than adults do and they have many of those in between stages of brief awakenings p41 44 A mother's best long term sleep enhancer is to learn how to pretend to be asleep while listening to baby's sounds And to wait Your baby just may fall back to sleep or may turn out not to have actually been awake in the first place without your help If she needs to breastfeed you'll know that soon enough p78There are many bits explored in the book Sleep associations for example are discussed and how to form the ones you want and avoid the ones you don't Biological clocks' development are explained by age with tips on how to help them along such as keeping it dim or dark at night exposing the baby to natural light in the morning and developing a routine Avoiding activity that might wake baby up all the way includes not just leaving lights off and avoiding play but also skipping diaper changes that aren't absolutely necessary just be sure to start off the night wplenty of ointment to avoid rashes Also discussed is how getting a baby to 'sleep through the night' is an ongoing task just when it's all sorted out along comes a new tooth illness growth spurt or milestone to throw it out of whack again A growth spurt brings back the night feeding for a little while A milestone interferes with sleep in all kinds of ways if a baby is learning to stand for example he may pull himself to a stand with the crib railing and not be able to figure out how to sit down again; he may roll over onto his stomach and be ticked off about it and need help getting onto his back Or his mind eager to devour everything in sight may be too distracted to nurse uietly during the day and he will try to make up for this by nursing at night As much as I like this book I like the information in Good Night Sleep Tight even better Both are worth reading but if you only have time for one I'd lean towards Good Night Sleep Tight

About the Author: Elizabeth Pantley

Parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley is president of Better Beginnings Inc a family resource and education company Elizabeth freuently speaks to parents at schools hospitals and parent groups around the world Her presentations are received with enthusiasm and praised as realistic warm and helpfulShe is a regular radio show guest and freuently uoted as a parenting expert in newspapers

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