Johannes Cabal the Necromancer ePUB ò Johannes Cabal

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Johannes Cabal the Necromancer The darkest souls are not those which choose to exist within the hell of the abyss but those which choose to break free from the abyss and move silently among us Although the above uote is from the movie Halloween it sums up this book almost perfectly Because even though The Necromancer may at first dazzle readers with its sharp wit and cleverness it has a dark heart mostly due to its eponymous leading man Johannes CabalCabal has a problem you see A while ago he sold his soul to Satan and now Well he's having second thoughts The only thing to do is take a brief journey to hell and strike up a bargain with none other than Lucifer himself in return for his soul Cabal must convince 100 other people to sign their souls to eternal damnation If he fails though Satan gets the souls he's collected as well as Cabal's soul and his life And so with the aid of a dark carnival his brother a delightfully charismatic vampire with strong morals a small faculty of the undead some freaks and his own calculating intellect Cabal sets off to triumph or fail but whatever happens he will have given it his damnedestAlright now that the synopsis is over with I can finally dish about all of the things I loved in this bookHe spent an undignified few moments trying to get over the fact that he was no longer in Hell wheeling on the spot like somebody who has walked into the wrong toilets When he finally deduced that he had been unceremoniously translocated he marked the revelation with a filthy curse in a language that had been dead eight thousand years so managing to be amazingly erudite and amazingly uncouth in the selfsame instantFirstly Johannes Cabal himself Where do I even begin? This book is very much a character study of Cabal his darkness his soullessness his arrogance his desperation and the tiny flickers of compassion and humanity that he tries his very best to hide from the world Much of his background is murky we know practically nothing of his past or what he did on a daily basis before selling his soul And that's the least of the enigma that is Johannes As the carnival travels across England stealing souls and leaving mayhem in its wake we spend a lot of time inside his mind we watch him struggle and rage scheme and trick steal and swindle We watch him kill and spare lives We root for him and curse him in the same breath And that I think is what a great character is supposed to be complex neither wholly good nor wholly bad with motivations that are difficult to piece together and never clean cut Great characters are ones that you can relate to and empathise with despite their outlandish circumstances They remind us of ourselves and our own struggles and they make us doubt both their own actions and oursOh Johannes it moaned in exasperation You utter idiot This is to get your soul back isn't it? Don't you know anything? You can't beat him He only bets on certaintiesSo people keep telling me replied Cabal growing exasperated himself Well I say 'people' but that's a fairly loose term I need my soul back That's not open to negotiation I took the only deal he would offer Take it or leave it I took it Perhaps he can't be beaten I don't know nor shall I until I give this the best I can And if I fail it won't be through lack of will or defeatism setting in I'll be able to look Satan in the eye and say 'I did my best and it came pretty close And while you just sat down here on your fat sulphuric arse I stretched for the impossible so don't imagine for a moment that this is your victory you smug infernal bastard' He stopped breathing heavilyCabal actually reminded me uite a bit of myself which was slightly scary No I don't coldly murder people and I would know better than to sell my soul to the devil and I don't believe I'm uite as narcissistic or bitter as Cabal But some of his traits the discomfort around people the way he sometimes unknowingly hurts people by stating facts his biting snark the way most people thinks he feels nothing at all the ruthless stop at nothing until you understand how it works sort of curiosity that's incredibly similar to myself And that's precisely why Johannes Cabal is such a masterpiece of a character he's a snarky little bastard neither hero nor villain and even when you hate him viciously for being so obtuse or cold or just plain mean you see enough of yourself in his darkness that you can never write him off completelyAlso HORST Horst is Johannes' estranged brother who also happens to be a vampire and a rather charming one at that Cabal recruits his help in running the carnival which is entrusted to him by Satan for the purpose of stealing souls because he realises that for all his knowledge Cabal is pretty useless in the actual person to person advertising and entertainment aspects of running a travelling carnival Horst is what's known as a foil in the literary world; that is a character that contrasts another character highlighting certain aspects of them that wouldn't be seen otherwise In this case Horst's morality and easy charm are a sharp contrast to Cabal's amorality and general misanthropy The relationship between the two brothers was really touching at times and most of the time I was shouting Just stop being assholes and say you love each other dammit Needless to say view spoilerHorst's death absolutely crushed me Especially since Johannes was indirectly responsible and because it got me wondering if getting out of his deal scot free was a blessing or a curse for Cabal Because although it may first seem like a triumph outwitting Satan and all that the ending leaves us with a Johannes Cabal that feels decidedly tragic broken than he was in the beginning despite his gain of a soul hide spoiler This book turned out to be a delightfully evil tome that retells the Faustian adventure in a clever dry and imminently British way Add a bit of Bradbury and the evil carnies a dash of the detective mystery and a very liberal dose of the classic beating the devil at his own game and we've got this tale I am pretty much delighted through and through to tell the truth It reads like the lightest of Urban Fantasies it has the darkness of the most evil of tales it has the glimmer of hope and the joys of brotherhood until they turn sour and it has the most delightfully sinful romp of paperwork in hell that I've ever see If only all such travels to hell could be so organized and planned PDefinitely a fun read Jonathan L Howard is a game designer and scriptwriter who has worked in the computer games industry since the early nineties notably co scripting the first three Broken Sword adventure games This is his first novel He lives near Bristol with his wife and daughter Johannes Cabal is a necromancer of some little infamy who has been digging up bodies without permission for several years now His first appearance in print was in the short story Johannes Cabal and the Blustery Day published in the premier issue of HP Lovecraft's Magazine of Horror Where he lives is none of your verdammt business In a bid to win back his soul necromancer and scientist Johannes Cabal runs a demonic carnival in order to win the souls of a hundred people to exchange for his own With the help of his vampire brother can he find one hundred people willing to sell their souls?This is one of those books that I'm having a hard time verbalizing my opinion on I'll give it a shot thoughThe Necromancer is a funny tale about a man trying to win back his soul I found the dark British humor right up my alley Johannes Cabal is a delightful asshole and his relationship with his brother Horst was one of my favorite parts of the book I like the idea of a demonic carnival Who knows where carnies go after they leave your town? I'm surprised Stephen King hasn't written something about that with his recent carnie obsessionThe dialogue is great and as I said before I loved the humor and the brothers Cabal The story itself was a little too linear for me The carnival travels for a year and Johannes collects souls That's pretty much it There weren't really any twists until the last 20% of the book and those were a little telegraphed in my opinionSo I guess this book is firmly in 3 territory I liked the characters uite a bit but I was never compelled to take a day off work to read the book in one sitting and I'm not sure I'll read the rest of the series 3ish starsThis is a good clever uick genre bender It even has a few laugh out loud moments It's very enjoyable intelligent and endlessly uotable but a little too light weight for my tastes despite its dark nature with a protagonist who is hard to care about The audiobook performance by Christopher Cazenove really elevates the story and is highly recommendedJohannes Cabal is a necromancer He's sold his soul to the devil Now he'd like it back There's humor in many varieties as well as fantasy lite horror mystery some great characters and a wonderful carnie style setting There's no denying it's a good book Why 3 stars and not 4? The pace is a little inconsistent It's a little twee which is funny considering the juxtaposition with the dark subject matter but not deep enough to become invested in the story itself The protagonist is unlikeable which is fine as he's the straight man to a large cast of ridiculous characters carnies gentlemen and a smorgasbord of the devil's own creations as well as a vampire who happens to be Johannes's own noble ish brother Horst As Johannes says to his brother “We’re supposed to be doing the devil’s work and you’ve gone and contaminated it all with the whiff of virtue I really don’t think you’ve uite got the hang of being an agent of evil” But Johannes is also unsympathetic Is he going to fulfill his deal with the devil? Eh I don't care Hopefully not to be honest So overall worth a read but unlikely to end up on any of my favorites lists While this works perfectly well as a standalone I might eventually read the next book but I'm not in too big of a hurryJust because here are some of my favorite uotesUpon introducing the House of Medical Monstrosity within the carnival Johannes addresses the crowd's insecurities by assuring them they pale in comparison to the grotesue creatures in the house So say the carnival goers A crowd was growing A young woman nervously held up her hand III have frecklesCabal gestured fiercely over his shoulder with his thumb We have the Dalmatian Boy Next?A man called I have a bit of an overbiteThen gaze in delighted wonder upon the Human Shark NextMy nose is a little too pert said an almost stereotypical blond woman on the arm of a wealthy manIt can't be as pert as Simone Sans Nez the Noseless Girl's NextI'm ginger called a teenage boySo you are Yes my friends The house of Medical Monstrosity And these police notices about escaped convicts Leslie Coleridge The Part time Children's Entertainer of Death Approach with caution If Coleridge offers to make a sausage dog out of balloons call for immediate assistance Joseph Grant Osbourne The Unnecessarily Rude Poisoner Of limited threat but officers should take nothing he says personallyGideon Gabriel Lucas The Bible Basher Only dangerous to individuals with the surname 'Bible'Frederick Gallagher “The Brides in the Inflammable Electrified Acid Bath Murderer” Limited threat Kills only for insurance money Is prone to overplanning Oliver Tiller The Rhyming Killer Ex army munitions officer with expertise in booby traps While pursing Tiller officers should beware rakes by lakes toads in roads and hares on stairs Esplanades are to be avoided entirelyAlvin Simpson file missing Assumed dangerous Probably There weren't very many laugh out loud moments for me in Jonathan Howard's Johannes Cabal the Necromancer but this dark comedy put a smile on my face during big parts of the book Characters such as Johannes Cabal and his vampiric brother Horst are presented with a light touch even though Cabal's goal is to gather 100 souls for Satan so he can get his own soul back There is no real new ground broken here unless you count demons running a carnival as a twist but it was an amusing and well written read with lots of really good dialogue 35 stars Edit after re read Wile I enjoyed this book immensely both first and second time around it doesn't showcase uality of the rest of the series It's from second book that writting becomes polished everything clicks this becomes one of my all time favorite seriesOriginal reviewSomewhere between 4 and 5 stars but little closer to 4Writing style and humor reminds of Terry Pratchett but with lot darker tone Humor here is dark and our protagonist isn't a hero or even anti hero Johannes Cabal is straight up villain and horrible person with flashes of redeemable ualities now and then which made him intriguing and interesting to meThis book follows his funny misadventures in trying to sign 100 souls to devil in order to get his soul back Like Discworld messes around with fantasy this book messes with late Gothic and early modern horror genre I'm not expert in those genre but I recognized references and nods to Lovecraft Blake MR James Marry Shelley and some others One thing thing this book differs from Discworld are story and characters who are done in serious manner and I know lot of people who will prefer it that way although this book lacked those moments of pure brilliance Discworld hasIn the end if you like your humor dark and don't mind or even prefer protagonist who is heartless bastard than this isn't a book you should miss Blog | TwitterRead this with the MacHalosJohannes Cabal is a scientist slightly obsessed with bringing back the dead restoring life necromancing and stuff He has a complicated relationship with his brother He is not a people personCabal makes a deal with Satan and travels around with a train full of circus freakshow types trying to collect souls so he can get HIS back It's a magical train like see and new crew members are just plucked out of thin air when needed But they can't really be trusted with the general public even though they are working with the general public Houston we have a problem This is a wacky silly over the top novel with a grumpy anti hero protagonist Cabal isn't very nice but he's not full on bad either I loved Horst THere are some great lines in this especially when describing Cabal's personality I read some lines and thought to myself Shelly as opposed to thinking to one of my other personalities This could be me I feel such kinship here Anyway definitely reading on 💀 Woohoo Time to Bring Back the Dead Buddy Read WTtBBtDBR™ with the MacHalo Necromaniacs 💀 The thing you are about to read is as crappy as the book it hopelessly tries to non review is fantastic Consider your little selves warned and stuffThere’s a slight chance this book might or might not be the mostest funniest one I have read in the entirety of this entire year Maybe Perhaps Also I’m fairly almost certain I haven’t come across such a joyously delightful mix of Fantasy dark comedy delicious British humor and Weird Wacky Stuff™ at any time in the last nine months so there’s a good possibility this book might actually be one of my top ten favorite reads of 1956 2018 MayhapThe Necromancer is a heart warming little tale that tells the story of one Johannes Cabal this in case you are even clueless than the average Clueless Barnacle—uite a feat that—and sort of missed the name of this series an absolutely charming compassionate guy who happens to be a um you know necromancer and stuff At the beginning of the story our chum Johannes finds himself in a bit of a predicament He channeled his inner Faust and sold his soul to the Devil a while back you see and now he wants it back he kinda sorta needs it for his research and stuff So what does Johannes do? Why he decides to go and have a little chat with his good old mate Satan of course You are so hot Your Mephistopheleciousness I think I’m in 💕lurve💕So Cabal goes on a little field trip to bureaucracy hell the nether world talks to the Evil Prince of Evilness gets ripped off makes a deal and goes his merry way embarks upon a nefarious mission to bring Hell’s head honcho one hundred souls in a year No biggie and stuff I mean how hard can it be to get one hundred puny humans to fill in and sign Voluntary Damnation Form #EAGH1? Especially when you’ve been lent a Dark Carnival Type Thingie DCTT™ to help you in your villainous endeavor by His Satanic Luciferiness no less And have the help of both your vampire brother and a most colorful crew of slightly demonicundeadfreaky types Piece of cake methinks“What happens next” you ask? Well The Cabal Brothers Carnival of Wonders takes to the road and spoiler spoiler spoiler ensues So does much hilarity Well hilarity ensues for those euipped with Flawless Sense of the Absurdly Comical and Comically Absurd FSotACaCA™ anyway A uality our friend Johannes seems to have been born without I’m afraid He totally fails to appreciate how inanely ludicrous his current predicament is and is as utterly unflappable as an anemic gastropod at a Barnacles Chitons circus show I mean Cabal’s brother himself thinks the guy is “as much fun as a leper at an orgy” which is saying something But hey it’s not all bad He has tons of redeeming ualities and stuff he can be magnificently obtuse has a black withered heart just like me Yay and is sarcastic as shrimp Also he has fished up morals a thing for shooting people in the back and isn’t entirely loathe to smashing people’s brains out with a crouet mallet swoons Also also his smile makes milk churn and doubles as an offensive weapon Now that’s what I call High Security Harem PotentialNow I’d love to tell you about the story but spoiler spoiler spoiler as I may or may not have mentioned before so I won’t You are uite welcome de nada my pleasure and stuff Anyway what I can indeed tell you is that beware for it’s uick maths timeHoward’s witty uniue writing style intriguing original plot yummy characterization High uality Snorting HS™ offensive recalcitrant fortune telling machines Ragtag Slyboots Despoiler of Milk and Entangler of Shoelaces surprisingly resilient babies a chanting army of lunatics Infernal Regions Local Authority Hades Provisional Admission Application form #AAAA342 very perlite stuff criminally insane fairies GOST TRANES and TUNELS OF FEER and Rabits of TEROR oh my Sartre’s old buddy Arthur Trubshaw ancient expletives involving sexual congress between extinct tribes and extinct species don’t ask prison escapees mesmerised if a little unhygienic women littering up the carnival grounds most hilariously amazing kid POV ever friendly vicars and law abiding postmen shudders super extra cool footnotes pathetic schemes that do as much damage as a convent full of possessed nuns priceless police bulletins ‘ Rock scissors paper dynamite punch Dennis in the face’ being belaboured with fourteenth century battle axes ‘I Lie Diplomatically About Your Weight’ machines let’s dance and stuff fellow necromaniacs➽ And the moral of this Johannes Cabal You Are One Slightly Heartless and Somewhat Cold Son of a Shrimp But I Still Lurves You and Stuff Crappy Non Review JCYAOSHaSCSoaSBISLYaSCNR ™ is FABULOSO waves at Elena and Timothy · Book 05 Johannes Cabal and the Blustery Day ★★★★★· Book 075 Exeunt Demon King ★★★★· Book 2 The Detective ★★★★★· Book 25 The Ereshkigal Working ★★★★★· Book 3 The Fear Institute ★★★★★· Book 31 The House of Gears ★★★★· Book 32 The Death of Me ★★★· Book 33 Ouroboros Ouzo ★★★★· Book 4 The Brothers Cabal ★★★★· Book 45 A Long Spoon ★★★★★· Book 5 The Fall of the House of Cabal ★★★★★Pre review nonsenseAs Johannes Cabal's good old pal Satan would say dark stuff weird stuff HAHAHAHA stuff ➽ Full review to come I loved this bookI loved its weird charactersI loved Johannes Cabal even at his worst I should be worried I know Image source I loved the beginning the plot the ending I would admit that Johannes Cabal is an acuired taste There are things here that might make some people suirm not in a good way but there are those too and make them feel uncomfortable at best horrified at worst The first half of the book is a bit lighter than the second If you thought Something Wicked This Way Comes was too tame The Necromancer and its protagonist will not disappoint you If Terry Pratchett wrote morbid and horrifying stories you would probably get this book Also there are so many moments that reminded me of Monty Python's Flying Circus And we all know how morbid they could get 'I'm being belaboured with a fourteenth century battleaxe What are the odds eh?' I loved itJohannes Cabal wants his soul back because he thinks his soulless state is messing up his research You know he is trying to cure death but you only get a vague idea of the reason The Necromancer is about his bet with Satan He would get a carnival train and whatever help he can conjure up to use for one year to get a hundred souls in exchange for his own The rest is the carnival journey collecting the souls and a couple of stories within a story for good measure Speaking of things that might make you suirm in a good way this time there is Horst I'll just leave it at that If I tried really hard I could find a couple of things to nit pick but the fact that I didn't want to finish this book I made myself read the last couple of pages really really slow speaks for itselfIf you enjoy dark comedy and biting humour then this book is for you